Signs Sleep Training Is and Isn’t Working
Sleep training is a weird, wild ride sometimes, and it can be hard to tell if you’re doing it right. Let me tamp down your anxieties right off the bat and assure you that there will be bumps in the road, and you will want to resort back to what worked in the past. There will also be awesome days that make you wonder why you hadn’t started sleep training sooner.
So, if you’re on top of a sleep training peak, stuck down in a valley, or wandering in the middle, welcome. This blog is the best place to be because I will give you a few guideposts to look for. I hope that at the end of this, you walk away validated in your progress or more confident in your next steps.
Here are a few signs that sleep training is and isn’t working.
Before you start evaluating your progress
If you just started sleep training yesterday, leave this blog post immediately. You don’t have enough data points to assess your child’s progress accurately. I recommend giving any sleep training approach at least five days before you start throwing in the towel or throwing a party.
I also recommend reading my other blog post about sleep training, which delves into a few things to consider before you get started.
Signs sleep training IS working
When you’re five days to a week into your sleep training program, it’s time to take stock and determine if you’re on the right path. Sleep training is working (or at least headed in the right direction) if you notice the following:
Your child sleeps in the same place all night long
Your child is having longer, uninterrupted stretches of sleep at night
Bedtime is no longer a battle
Nighttime sleep has become so organized that you started to take on naps, and they’re getting better, too
Your child is on (or starting to be on) a more consistent, age-appropriate nighttime feeding schedule
When sleep training isn’t working
It’s pretty easy to tell when sleep training isn’t working. It isn’t working if there’s zero noticeable improvement in your child’s sleeping habits overnight, during naps, or both. If you’ve been fully committed to your program for at least 5-7 days and you haven’t seen improvement, I recommend taking a step back and considering a change of course. Your current plan is likely not working because of at least one of the following:
Your approach isn’t right. Every kid is different. Some will get with the program after a few nights of crying; others will need a bit of hand-holding. If your current plan isn’t getting the job, consider changing your strategy. Most often, it’s because the approach is too gentle and gradual. All your checking, rechecking, reassuring, and soothing might be more harmful than helpful. Your baby isn’t being manipulative per say, but they do know that you can only stand so much of their tears, and they will get what they want if they wail for long enough. If you’re trying to get away with a no-cry program (I don’t think those exist), it will definitely take longer, and your clever kid might dig their heels in to prevent the changes they don’t like.
You’re not being consistent. Even one step off the path can totally derail a solid sleep training plan. If you haven’t been consistent, take a deep breath and restart your program with a new focus.
Something came up (travel, sickness, growth spurts, etc.) and made a mess of your routines.
You froze up after a few days because change is (really, really) hard. You’re not alone, and it’s not too late to turn back and start again.
You’re doing it wrong. You can’t dip your toes into sleep training — it demands your full commitment. So, if you’ve been only half-executing your sleep plan, don't be surprised when you don’t see results quickly (or at all).
Sleep training worked for bedtime. Why am I still up all night?
Whether sleep training was a breeze or you had some false starts, chances are you’re not done coaching your kid to sleep. Some of my clients are lucky enough to wash their hands of sleepless nights, but others still run into some obstacles. It usually looks something like this:
Bedtime is now easy (dare I say enjoyable?), and your child gives you a long stretch of sleep after they fall asleep quietly and quickly. Their deep slumber becomes disturbed as the night goes on, and they wake up grumbling for 10-20 minutes. You pull out all your tricks, but only one works reliably (nursing, reinserting pacifier, rocking/bouncing, etc.). Every night, it takes a bit more effort to resettle them. You feel like all your hard work was for nothing because even though they fall asleep at bedtime, your child still can’t make it through the night without tons of intervention.
If this is you, then you’re probably hanging on to a few bad habits that are preventing your child from really getting the hang of independent sleep. Some of these bad habits include:
Continuing to assist your baby mostly or all the way to sleep.
Nursing or feeding your baby at bedtime. I recommend that you feed your baby at the beginning of the bedtime routine to lessen the feed-sleep association.
You’re putting your baby down with a pacifier. Older babies can really get stuck on a suck-to-sleep association, and when that pacifier falls out (and it will), they’ll let you know all. night. long.
You’re not leaving the sleep space in a timely manner, and your presence has become your child’s security blanket. You can stick around in the nursery during sleep training, but you should gradually remove your presence. Your end goal should be to have your child learn to fall asleep without you in the room.
I love sleep training, and I’ve seen firsthand how well it works. However, I also have personal experience with the roadblocks that inevitably come up — and they do come up, and they give you a paper cut and squeeze lemon juice on it.
But have no fear. You never have to enter into the sleep training abyss alone. If you’d like to discuss sleep training and my approach in more detail, schedule a free discovery call with me. If you’re ready to dive in, check out my sleep packages here.
