5 Tips for Parents of Newborns

Phew. You made it home from the hospital, unpacked your bags, pet your dog, and settled down on the couch in front of your favorite show — but what’s that crying sound you hear?

Oh, yeah. You have a baby now.

Whether this is your first foray into parenthood or you’ve just added a little bulb to your tulip garden, you’re undoubtedly realizing that there’s a new life in the house, and you’re the only one who can take care of it.

Many new parents wonder if they’re up for the task. Some veteran moms and dads are worried they don’t remember how the newborn process works and are desperate not to repeat what happened with their older children.

Fret not because I have good news. There’s a lot of advice out there, and most of it really sucks.

For the first three months of your new baby’s life, I want you to focus on five things and only five things.

Here’s a closer look.

#1 Independent sleep isn’t your goal right now

Some parents (maybe you used to be friends with some of them) can set their freshly laundered newborns down in a bassinet and pirouette out of the room, and their baby calmly nods off to sleep. For the rest of us, life isn’t so easy.

Sleeping independently is a skill your child will need help learning down the road, and the first few weeks and months aren’t the time to start lessons.

That doesn’t mean you can’t be mindful and slowly start incorporating healthy sleep habits here and there, but for the most part, I’m going to tell you to rock, cuddle, snuggle, bounce, and otherwise (safely) love that little baby to sleep. Trust me, these moments only last so long, and there will be plenty of time for sleep training.

#2 Newborn safety is paramount

Even with carte blanche to get your baby to sleep however and wherever newborns don’t always want to sleep when they should, and sometimes, it can be easy to hit your baby’s snooze bit in an unsafe manner.

For instance, your baby might really love to sleep on his tummy, or your precious daughter might be most comfortable snoozing in Dad’s arms on the couch while he falls asleep watching football.

Both of these scenarios (and others like them) are incredibly dangerous, and even though a non-sleeping newborn is a huge drain on the household, a fussy, overtired baby is preferable to increasing their risk for SIDs.

#3 To sleep crutch or not to sleep crutch?

There’s a lot of noise out there about sleep crutches, sleep props, and whatever you call them. Some tell you never to give your newborn a pacifier, swaddle them, use white noise, etc., for fear they become “addicted” to certain sleep associations. Others might tell you to use everything all at once just as long as your baby falls asleep (and falls asleep safely).

I think the truth is somewhere in the middle.

At this stage, your baby will need lots of help to fall asleep, much more than they will as they get older. Do what works for your baby. Swaddle them (or use a swaddle alternative like this one) if they like it, pop in a pacifier if they’ll take it (no, it won’t mess up your breastfeeding relationship), or turn on some gentle white noise when they nap.

None of these helpful tools will cause long-term sleep disturbances, especially if you take the appropriate steps to wean them off when they’re a little older. So, for now, do what works (within reason) and let the naysayers and ne’er-do-wells chirp from the gallery. Your baby is asleep, fed, and happy, and that’s all that matters.

#4 You can get on a schedule

Wait, what? I thought you just said I could do whatever I wanted with my newborn for the first few months. You absolutely can, but that doesn’t mean you can or should neglect building a foundation. I’m mainly talking about how you structure your kiddo’s days.

Did I just hear you laugh? I’m serious. You can structure a newborn’s days, even when you’re still in the hospital.

The best and most low-maintenance schedule is the feed-wake-sleep schedule. It goes just how you’re imagining it. You begin each cycle by feeding your child, and they spend time awake (for newborns, this won’t look like much right away). Then, they nap. And since you’re likely feeding your new baby every couple of hours, your newborn will likely have about 9 or 10 of these feed-wake-sleep cycles in a 24-hour period.

I like the feed-wake-sleep cycle because it helps avoid chronically feeding your child to sleep. In the early days, it might be feeding your baby to sleep might be unavoidable — you might not even be able to wake them up at all! So don’t stress if it seems like your brand-new babe can’t manage to stay awake after eating. This is normal and won’t cause long-term issues if you stick to a feed-wake-sleep cycle at least most of the time right away. Once they hit six weeks old, and waketime really starts to become a separate activity from feeding, you should start being conscious of not feeding to sleep. Feeding to sleep can be one of the most difficult negative sleep associations to break later on because it combines your presence with sucking and nourishment — what’s better than that for a baby?

As your newborn grows into a baby and then a toddler, their waketimes stretch (and become much more interesting for all parties), and they gradually merge and drop these cycles until they have two longer waketimes that bookend and midday nap.

You can also start playing around with what a nap and bedtime routine might look like when it’s time to get serious. It can be tough to be super consistent right away, especially if you have older children running around, but I strongly recommend practicing a routine. That way, a more structured approach to sleep doesn’t come out of left field for either of you.

All this is to say that the newborn days are as hazy and crazy as they are heavenly. I don’t want you to drift through these precious moments more worried about a schedule than loving your bundle, but I don’t think the two are mutually exclusive. Let me help you find that sweet spot between intentionality and blissful snuggles.

#5 Don’t forget about you guys

I firmly believe that the smallest members of our families are often the most perceptive. Our babies are incredibly sensitive to homeostasis (or lack thereof) in the household. You might be surprised how often the root of a baby or child’s sleep problems actually resides in some disharmony in the house.

That’s why I want you to make sure you’re keeping your marriage a priority even while you’re wandering in the fog of 1am feedings, endless diaper changes, and witching hours.

For my Christian readers, you take this further and ensure that Christ is still at the center of your relationship.

It’s easy to let your relationships slide when you’re in the thick of it, but presenting a united front is essential to your baby’s well-being. You don’t have to go far to do this. If a date night is out of the question (I don’t blame you — you smell like spit-up and haven’t showered in days), focus on the small things. Pray together, go to church together, hold hands, give them a squeeze as you walk by, and take turns wrestling the toddler or bouncing the screaming baby. Do whatever you can (big or small) to feed your marriage and support each other as much as possible.

Bonus tip #6: Ask. For. Help.

When my husband and I found out we were pregnant with baby #2, we quickly decided to pack up our lives and move from Iowa to Washington to live with my parents.

That’s how serious I am about getting help.

You’ve heard this a million times by now, but it always bears repeating. Now is not the time to be a hero or prove a point. Now is the time to lean into every support you have. So, call that friend, reach out to the in-laws down the street, and go to the mommy group. No one gets extra points for doing parenthood in a bubble.

Once you’re out of the woods and on your feet again, pay it forward. Make sure your sister-in-law with a new baby is never without diapers, let your friend vent about her sleepless nights, and take a meal to the new mom at church.

This whole parenting thing really does take a village, and I pray that you have found at least one or two other people outside your home who you can lean on.

If you’re looking for more one-on-one support, let’s talk about my newborn sleep package. Click here to reach out and schedule a discovery call with me.