Guidelines for Making Your Baby & Toddler’s Bedtime Easier

Bedtime is king around our house; for both my toddler and my newborn, when it happens, where it happens, and how it happens all matter a great deal. 99.9% of the time, a solid bedtime performance guarantees everyone a solid night of sleep. And since I voluntarily wake up at 4 am, I need every moment of sleep I can squeeze out of the night.

I also love bedtime because it means I can finally watch my shows, read my book, shower, connect with my husband, and do all the wonderful, relaxing things I daydream about.

Alas, bedtime is hardly ever simple, and it can become a real-life boogeyman if you go at it willy-nilly. If you’re not intentional about bedtime, you’re almost guaranteed a restless night. Without solid rest overnight, you and your little one start the day off overtired, which leads to crappy naps, short fuses, and an overall bad time for all parties.

That’s where I come in.

The sleep plans I write for your child often start with bedtime. In this blog, I share a few of my insider secrets to making bedtime less of a mystery, less of a struggle, and less of a stomach-pit-inducing experience. Let’s get started.

Disclaimer: This post is for my parents of babies and toddlers (3 months and older). If you want advice on newborn bedtime, head to this post.

Watch the clock

Consistency is crucial to your child’s bedtime (and their every-other-time, too), so my first recommendation is to make sure that bedtime happens at the same time all the time. I’ll give you at most on either side, but do your best to be as consistent as possible. A consistent bedtime isn’t just a good theory or best practice touted by sleep consultants; it’s actually a biological necessity.

When your child goes to bed at the same time, night after night, their body’s chemical messengers organize around the consistency and create a strong compulsion to sleep. This kicks off an awesome chain reaction, starting with your child’s body literally telling them it’s time to sleep.

This isn’t to say that blowing off bedtime is forbidden (or even possible). Life happens, and I believe in not living under the thumb of an unforgiving schedule, but do your best to keep bedtime disruptors to a bare minimum.

It’s all about sleep pressure

Preparing for bedtime starts long before the sun goes down. You have to be vigilant about your child’s daytime sleep, making sure their naps don’t suck up their sleep pressure. This is especially true for their last nap of the day. Depending on their age, your child will need anywhere from 1-6 hours of waketime before they’re ready to fall asleep for the night, so make sure they wake up from their last nap with plenty of time to build up sleep pressure.

For some parents, this means defending bedtime at all costs. If you know your kid is a sucker for a car nap, you might be on house arrest after 4 pm because a quick 10-minute snooze will completely throw off bedtime.

Also, remember that your child’s last round of waketime should be longer than their first. Fill their final waketime with plenty of natural light and activity that decreases in stimulation as you near bedtime.

Bedtime is appropriate

Many clients ask me when their kid should be in bed, and the answer varies based on age and capacity for sleep. However, a good rule of thumb is to keep bedtime somewhere around 7:30. Err on the side of early. Our circadian rhythms rely heavily on daylight, so it’s okay to line up your kiddo’s bedtime with dusk.

You can tell when your child’s bedtime isn’t right if they fall asleep easily, stay asleep, and wake up at an appropriate hour (which I classify as anything past 6 am).

An older kid who dinks around in his crib for an hour or a baby who needs lots of soothing to even consider falling asleep might be going to bed too early.

However, most kids need 10-12 hours of sleep at night. Some kids break the mold and wake up at a decent hour even with a later bedtime, but if the morning starts at 6:30 am and they’re going to bed way past 8 pm, you’re risking them not getting sufficient rest overnight.

Always keep bedtime in your rearview mirror and do your best to pivot your day around it.

Nail down “the where”

The best sleep space is the one your child feels comfortable and safe in. Babies and (many) toddlers should be in cribs. Toddlers who are developmentally ready for them and older children should have safe, low-to-the-ground beds. I recommend getting rid of stimulating decorations, lights, and sounds and checking to make sure the temperature isn’t too hot or cold.

If you’d like a nursery assessment, you can add it to any sleep package.

Your child should also go to bed in the same place every night. Naps can happen in multiple places, but avoid changing the locale of bedtime (consistency is key). This goes for the middle of the night, too.

Many parents fall into “reactive cosleeping” when their child starts the night in their own room and finishes the night with mom and dad. Your goal is for your child to create a strong association with when and where they should fall asleep, and allowing them to switch up their sleep space defeats that purpose.

At the end of the day (bah dum tss), bedtime is largely in your control as the parent, which is both a blessing and a curse. Every decision you make can either make or break the process — why go it alone? If there’s any stickiness in your child’s bedtime, I want to help. Let’s talk and find out if we’re a good fit.