7 Hacks for the Perfect Bedtime Routine
Are you baffled by bedtime, unsure of when to start it, how to go about it, and what to do when it’s over? You’re not alone. For many of my clients, bedtime marks a dark period of the day, a precipice upon which they stand overlooking a chasm that’s cold and smelly and possibly filled with dragons.
Let’s get rid of the bedtime scaries together.
I wrote a blog post about the when and where of bedtime (you can check it out here). This blog is all about the what of bedtime. Follow these simple strategies, and you’ll quickly become a bedtime master of ceremonies (and possibly a dragon slayer).
Why a bedtime routine matters
Everyone — newborns and senior citizens alike — has a bedtime routine. I can’t fall asleep without Gilmore Girls on, my dad has to check every lock on every door and window before he even considers relaxing for the night, and my husband’s grandma can’t wind down without scrolling through pictures of her (great) grandkids or playing bingo on her phone.
We’ve all got our preferences, but until your little one is old enough to spell “preference,” you get to set the tone at bedtime — and you should.
Protecting your child’s bedtime and setting them up for a successful night of sleep is, in my humble opinion, one of the best ways to love and care for them. The more consistent you are with their bedtime ritual, the faster and easier they’ll fall asleep and stay asleep on their own. And deep, restful sleep overnight is crucial to virtually every facet of their growth and development at every stage of their life.
So, without further ado, let’s get into the ingredients of a solid bedtime routine.
Choose the right bedtime activities
Bedtime should be the most relaxing part of your child’s day. Your baby’s been thrust in and out of car seats, your toddler has chased the dog’s tail around the house, and your kindergartener has finger-painted until the cows come home — it’s time for a break, and it all starts with a calm lineup of bedtime activities.
Some of the best bedtime activities include bathtime, getting into comfortable pajamas, reading stories, singing songs, having a snack or drink, talking about the day, belly breathing, massages, brushing hair, brushing teeth, etc. My kids’ routines look something like this:
Bath time
Jammies
3-5 stories
A song and a cuddle
Nighttime prayer
Lights out
Pick a few of your favorite activities, start creating a bedtime routine that works for you and your child, and most importantly, stick to it every night!
A note on feeding during bedtime
Feeding is often a central component of bedtime, particularly for babies. If you’re breast or bottle-feeding and your baby needs to eat before going down for the night, I strongly recommend they eat towards the front end of their bedtime routine (perhaps after bathtime and jammies but before songs and stories). This helps break/prevent feed-sleep associations.
Use your discretion for toddlers and big kids who aren’t on a feeding schedule anymore. A glass of water might cause potty emergencies in the middle of the night (no thank you).
2. Don’t rush, and don’t dawdle
Bedtime rituals don’t have to (and shouldn’t) be five-act plays that take hours, but they also should give your child enough time to wind down. My favorite bedtime routines are about 20-30 minutes.
3. Stay in control
Remember that you are the master of ceremonies. You set the pace, you pick the activities, and you decide when bedtime is over and it’s lights out. This is especially important for parents of toddlers and big kids who have a voice and aren’t afraid to use it. Often, toddlers and big kids will stall bedtime by asking for just one more story or yet another glass of water, and this power struggle is one of the most common sleep disturbances I see in this age group.
That’s not to say you can’t ever give in. What’s better than your 2-year-old snuggling up against your shoulder and asking pretty please for another princess story? These moments are fleeting, and I encourage you to enjoy every single of them. You know your kid better than anyone, so you can make the call when their request for an extra (insert activity here) is genuine and when it’s moving toward manipulation.
In fact…
4. Get your child involved
A well-run house has a hierarchy, it’s true. As the parent, you should always have the final say, but that doesn’t mean your kids can’t have any say at all. Because you’re so firmly in control of every process in your home, you can also create small spaces for your child to take the reigns.
Here’s what it looks like at bedtime:
“James, would you like to wear your fire truck pajamas or your dinosaur pajamas?”
“Would you like to read books in the rocking chair or on the floor?”
You’ll be amazed at how your kid’s face lights up when you ask them to be a part of their bedtime routine (or any of your routines). You may also find that each step of the process includes fewer and fewer fights.
5. Consider the ambiance
What’s one of the first things you do when getting ready for bed? Our house has canned lights in the living room that flood the space with illumination. We call them the “big lights.” If you’re not a “big light” person (who in their right mind is?), you likely turn off your bright ceiling lights in favor of a small lamp, turn down the volume on your device, and turn down your bed.
Key words to notice here: “turn off” and “turn down.”
Your child’s bedroom doesn’t have to look like something off a Pinterest board, but you should be able to make it comfortable. At the start of your child’s bedtime routine, make sure all lights, sounds, and simulation distractions are dimmed or turned off completely.
You’ll get through the routine more easily, and you’ll help your child’s body chemistry naturally build up a compulsion to sleep.
6. Make it repeatable
Life happens, and you won’t always be in your home with plenty of time and space for bedtime. For that reason, make your child’s bedtime repeatable, condensable, and otherwise travel-friendly.
For instance, you can’t bring your toddler’s four-foot teddy bear on the plane with you — opt for a smaller teddy. If your child loves to read stories at bedtime, they might only get to read one of their favorites instead of five because that’s all you could pack, but at least the routine isn’t completely thrown out the window.
7. Each step takes you closer to bed…literally
If your child’s bedtime routine has them going on a scavenger hunt all over the house, it’s time to make a change. Don’t bathe your child in the upstairs bathroom, brush their teeth downstairs in the guest bathroom, take them back up to their room for pajamas and stories, then get them out of bed to get a drink of water.
All that movement might help you get your steps in for the day, but it directly opposes the calm, soothing tone you’re trying to set. Do your best to have each phase of their bedtime routine literally move them closer to their sleep space. This may mean you have to shuffle activities around!
I love giving parents their freedom and flexibility back, and their child’s bedtime often holds them back from enjoying their spouses, unwinding, and getting enough rest themselves. Let’s work together to create the best bedtime routine for your child, and get them (and you) on a path toward better nights.
